Life. It’s one of the hardest things we have to go through and we don’t even choose to start it. If I’d had a choice, I’m not sure I would’ve chosen to be born. Yeah, there’re some good things in life- books, rain, nature. But there’re so many bad things too. And lately it feels like I see more bad than good.
Tell me, when you hear about anything, is it the good or bad? I’m sure it’s the bad. Because humans love to make others as miserable as they are. Why shouldn’t you also have to suffer like I currently am? Good things happen, I’m sure they do, but we never want to share that, we want to share the things that piss us off.
Yeah, there’re times when I want to get mad and forget about my problems but sometimes I just want to see the good in the world. Give me more kittens and puppies and less of war and famine.
So would I still want to be born? No, I don’t think I would. Because this isn’t the world I want to live in and it certainly isn’t a world I’d want to bring a child into. I pretty much suffer through my day, go to sleep, then suffer again. Is that really worth the, maybe, month I get of happiness?
When I started thinking about it, I couldn’t remember the last day I’d been genuinely happy. Like nothing else is running through my mind and I’m feeling happy to my bone. Maybe when I was a teenager? And that was almost a decade ago. These days there’s always something to worry about- bills, death, life. It all circles back to life.
I really hope this is something only a small percentage of us feel. But I feel like the number is much higher. Yes, I know, I need help. I’ve known for a while. But do you know how much therapy costs?! Is it really worth it? Not yet. Don’t worry, I’d never do anything drastic. I’ve been sad to the core for a while and though it’s hard, it isn’t debilitating. At least not yet.
(Photo by Julia Mourão Missagia from Pexels)
